In preparation for this Blog, I asked a few male & female friends this question:
What is one of the biggest challenges you have faced in dealing with relationships - intimate ones?
I found some of their answers interesting. I also noticed a trend - the nature of the answers tended to vary by gender.
You may wonder why it matters... If we recognize that men and women tend to "see" things differently, we can begin to question our own perspectives, motives, intentions and habits. At times, it's easy to be so self-focused, we forget about the other persons needs, desires and feelings.
If, at the very moment of conflict - that moment that could make or break the relationship, you take a few seconds to
1. Breathe and focus on What You Really Want (harmony? love? understanding? kindness? great communication? friendship? partnership? peace of mind?)
2. Then Choose to Practice acting in a way that the other person "gets it" (lovingly, compassionately, empathetically, actually listening to what they are expressing).
3. Show that you care (even when you are mad, hurt, disappointed or even fed up) through your body language, tone of voice, and the words you choose.
You - and your partner may get whatever it is that you REALLY want. Willingness is is the Key!
As you review the question (again), and my friends' answeres, please ask yourself these questions:
a. Do you think a man or woman gave the answer and why?
b. Can you relate to the answer? why or why not?
c. What are 2 things you could actually do or say that would immediately improve your communication? (hint: body language, tone of voice, words you choose)
What is one of the biggest challenges you have faced in dealing with relationships - intimate ones?
A: Nothing really - I ended up marrying the love of my life. The biggest challenge is to make sure we always think of each other first (selfishness can eat away at a relationship)...
A: Not being able to hang out anymore!
They don't understand that we like hanging out, just to be hanging out.
A: Not being able to balance more children with my existing career.
A: Learning to express my true and intimate feelings.
A. In the past, to not be so turned on by beauty and looks. Now, it is continuing to make quality time to maintain a high level of oneness.
What do you think? Are you willing? Please share your feedback with me!
And Remember - It's Your Choice!
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Ms. Johnson, this is an excellent article and a great blog. When I was reading the answers, I absolutely did subscribe a gender to each of the responses. Not sure if it's based off cultural norms or what. But I like the tips. I also think a big issue in relationships is that people think that relationships have to be all encompassing and all consuming. THey don't. Communication and honesty are key, which is why this post is so great. I personally believe the parties have to be honest about what they want and need and communicate what they want and need.
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